So, ever since getting my new bike I’ve been going around saying shit like “one of the best things about riding a fixie is that there’s no gears to snag yer kecks / shoe laces in”. Next freaking thing i know one of my converse laces gets caught up in the front cog. And of course being a fixie i couldn’t stop the gears going round, so with each rotation the lace was getting tighter & tighter.
You’re probably thinking that’s not so bad, but you’re forgetting that a) i’d temporarily forgotten my bike had brakes & b) i wrap my laces round the neck of my boots a couple of times as my laces are long and as i’m the veteran of many a pair of DM’s which I always tied thus.
Anyway, I suddenly remembered the wrap around thing as my lace was getting progressively tighter & tighter & I had this sudden vision of my laces decapitating (defootitating?) my foot at the ankle. Alarmed by this sudden realisation, I decided that, rather than hitting the brakes pretty fast (remember, i’d forgotten about them), I’d shout “fuckkkkkk!!!” really loud. Quite what I thought doing this would achieve I have no idea.
Anyway, on the pavement were two yoofs who i’m pretty sure are local gang members (we regularly get raids on my next door neighbours, usually drugs busts or vehicle thefts but once “in connection with a murder”). They were wearing Easton colours anyway.
On hearing my cry they both immediately hit the deck & looked round shit scared, something that I only noticed coz at the same time my lace snapped & i was overcome with relief. So naturally i grinned at them, gave a little wave & then cycled off nonchalantly, whistling* as I went.
I’m expecting retribution some time. Hope it’s not before the Ceremony show tomorrow night. Or Teeth of the Sea Thursday. Friday’s fine though. I have a gap in my diary then for retribution. Whatever they do it can’t be worse than near defootitation can it?
*I wasn’t really whistling (not because i can’t, but because i chose not too).
PS I know defootitation isn’t a real word but for the purposes of this lets pretend it is eh?